Tuesday, November 26, 2013


The saying goes "Time flys when you're having fun".  But we all know it's just a saying and time flys whether fun is involved or not.  Everyone knows that if you're in a bed fighting the flu, or in the first hour of an 8 hour work day, time does not fly.

I can tell you, first hand, that when you're in a hospital bed with indiscribable pain, being given morphine to try to control the pain and after 15 minutes, with enough morphine to last at the very least 45 minutes, the morphine stops being effective, time doesn't fly and take my word, it IS NOT fun.  Not even a little bit.

And just so's you'll see where I'm coming from, I'm gonna tell you in detail what happened to me.  So put your jamies on, get a nice cup of tea, pull up a chair and get comfy. 

Ahh-hummmmm...Okay, so in 2000 I had a hysterectomy.  The doc left some parts in but basically he made sure I would never be with child again.  Considering I had a fibroid as big as a 6 month fetus in there, I'd have to say it was a good thing.  The day after the surgery, and assurance to the doctor that I had indeed passed gas, I was released and went home to recover.  Yippie, time off from work, ain't it swell, ain't it great, gonna have the whole world on a plate, blow a kiss, take a bow, honey everything's coming up rose............................Eeeeek, NO! What The.....Pain!  EMENSE PAIN!! UNbearable Pain.  Gonna rip your head off if you try to be nice to me once more, pain!

I'm laying in bed with terrible, terrible pain all day thinking "I can beat this".  Beat what?  I don't know.  It's just a pain that, well, child birth was a laugh; both when I was born and when I gave birth to my daughter...I grab my husband by the colar and I say "you know that perscription the doctor gave me after surgery?  The one I never used?  GO HAVE IT FILLED NOW!".  He was probably gone for about 1/2 an hour but I was quite sure he'd flown to the East Coast to fill it.  By the time he gets back, I nearly swallow his hand trying to get the pill in my mouth.  I wait and wait and...wait... Nothing.  These pills should have sent me flying to another planet, that's how strong they are but they do N O T H I N G.  I'm at the end of my rope so I say, you need to get me to ER right now!!!

Now understand, this is a man who has difficulty dealing with other peoples discomfort, especially if that person just tried to swallow his hand...I can tell he's afraid that something is going to happen to me but he's more afraid that once he gets me in the car, something will happen and he won't know what to do.  So in trying to cope, he say's let me just get a coke and a book and maybe my ipod...I'm just at the point where I'm feeling extremely Lorena Bobbit-ish when my sister in-law steps in to save the day.  If she's afraid of anything, you'd never know.  She's like Sylvester Stalone in Rambo, she's determined to get the job done and shirt or no shirt, she's gonna do whatever it takes standing up, no less.

She gets me in the car and puts the pedal to the metal.  We're going so fast I'm sure I heard a sonic boom.  We are flying!  We're moving so fast NASA is on the phone to the white house calling in a national emergency (or maybe those pills were finally working). 

Well, long story short, it turns out I had a gangrened gall bladder and the closer they looked they realized a nasty stone had torn through the gall bladder but could not be retrieved as it was no where to be found. The entire episode was NOT fun, which brings me back to "Time Flys".  In this case, it DID NOT.

Why am I so wordy???