Tuesday, January 24, 2012

In need of Living Room Furniture

This is a fact, not an posting for the classifieds.  My Living Room sofas suck.

I bought them about....hmmm, maybe, Yikes! Ten years ago....which explains why when you sit down, you need a good set of climbers tools to get out.  I know you're probably thinking I'm exaggerating. Take my word, I'm not.

I think it's probably easier to drop to your knees and roll to the closest, stablest piece of furniture, grab on and pull yourself up.  I've done it, don't laugh!  There is the option of grabbing on to someone standing nearby but keep in mind, if that someone isn't firmly planted with heels dug in, the two of you could end up in the abyss, lost for all eternity.

There certainly isn't the same traffic (meaning people) going through my house as there once was, but my house is lived in.  The thing is, if you're not careful you could end up living in my sofa surviving off popcorn and chips for the rest of your life.  If that sounds bleak, not to worry, there is the periodic rubber band or TV control that go missing and to feed your daily mineral needs dimes seem to get sucked in by the dozen.

I tried pulling the cushions out the other day to see if my daughters ring had fallen in (along with everything else);  I nearly had to disassemble the entire sofa to remove them.  The wires from the box spring (if that's what it's called) were sticking out through the material and were holding the cushions captive.  It was similar to when you get your hair tangled up in a round brush while blowing drying; a rat's nest is easier to decipher.  After a good long wrestle a Rock Star, cup of coffee and overdose of vitamins I was able to pull those suckers out.  I still have the bruises on my forearms, if you don't believe me.
Just in case.

The other night after everyone had gone home I decided to sit down and watch one of those "I Survived" episodes where there are several people telling their stories of having been victimized in some terrible way and through shear determination make it out alive.  Suddenly I realized I too had a story to tell, I just wasn't sure if I'd live long enough to get through to the network that does the filming.  See, I got just a little to comfortable in the sofa and before I knew it, one thing led to another and I found myself up to the neck in cushion and box spring.  The popcorn had already been vacuumed out for the month so my chances of survival were looking slim.  If it weren't for the fact that I didn't want my daughter to be humiliated when reporters came around to get the facts, I may have never found the strength to climb, hack and crawl my way out.  Sure there was a bloody mess afterward, but the exhilaration of knowing I'd done it was beyond any other feat I've ever achieved.

I'd show you a picture of my war wounds from that night but there is just no way to prepare you for the shock so I think it be best to leave it to your imagination.  Let's just say that old box of Flintstones band-aids came in handy..Bam Bam!  

I considered taking a picture of the sofas to show you but soon realized the camera was missing.....not worth looking. 


Ruben Rivera said...

I know I'm probably not supposed to laugh, but the picture you painted with your words was like a sitcom. I'm thinking, No, you can't make this stuff up. Curse of the Sofa Creature. Glad you lived.
On a more serious note, I was deeply touched by your last post (Weeding in more ways than one). I am heart broken for you my cousin. I wish there was something I could do or say to rescue you from the sadness. Your analogy about weeding is, to be honest, scary. Mostly because no one (certainly not I) is exempt from failure to weed properly. I just want you to know that we love you and miss you and hope we can all see each other soon.

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

My dear cousin,

It is 8:15pm here and I am finally FREE to come to visit you. I am unable to get onto my blog at work (what business do I have anyway, blogging at SCHOOL!) but during my lunch break, I did stop in my blog and SAW THAT YOU VISITED!!!!!! But I am unable to comment; our computers are tapped into a system that MONITORS EVERY VIRTUAL MOVE YOU MAKE! So, here I am, at home, sitting on MY sofa that hopefully is not as ALIVE as yours! Again, a great piece of humor, intrigue and just plan old fun. But, I have yet to see your previous post, and I will read that now.

Thank you for visiting today. I do hope you can stay blogging on a regular basis; I have kept very regular myself, and it is only this coming weekend that I will not post because report cards and assessments are just keeping me running.

I will be back, Anita

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

I so want you two to come this summer. Do you think that would be possible, for just a few days? You could stay here with us.