Me, A Junkie?

Apparently my migraines make me look junkieish? Is that even a word? Perhaps not, but I think you know what I mean by it, right?

Last night I went to a rehearsal with a migraine headache. I really didn't think I could make it because, well, if you've ever had a migraine you know they sometimes leave you incapacitated. As bad as I felt I went to the rehearsal with the intention of sitting and watching, nothing more. My friend lent me his sunglasses (even though it was 8 o'clock p.m. and indoors) so I could deal with the bright lights...as I sat and watched.

My intention really was to just watch but I thought "these people are here working and I'm just sitting, what will they think of me?". So I decide to say my lines to pull some my weight of the rehearsal and not look like a little spoiled princess sitting in the sidelines. Step 1.

After sitting there with the sunglasses on, yelling my lines out and pressing every pressure point I could find on my head, in an effort to control the pain, it dawned on me that I was actually at the rehearsal I didn't think I could attend in the first place.

I know the rest of the cast understood how I was feeling and had no problem with my sitting on the sidelines, HOWEVER! I now began to feel that if I didn't get on that stage along with the others, I would feel totally lost at performance time. So what did I do? What else? Step 2. I got up and took my place on stage.

Problem is I was still slightly bent down, eyes toward the ground with sunglasses on indoors at 8:00 p.m., pressing an approximate 5 points on my head with hair slightly tangled....looking, I guess, like a junkie. Who would'a known? I've never even thought of playing a junkie, much less feel like one or have someone tell me I looked like one.

I still haven't' decided if it's a good thing or not, being told I look like a junkie, but at this point, does it matter? I'm playing a junkie in a play that has nothing to do with drugs. All because I took that first step.

Well, pray for me, I'm looking for step 3 and am deathly afraid that unless I get help soon I'll end up in a 5 step program. I guess the good part is, I can always blame it on method acting.