Friday, January 22, 2010

Gee Willikers - Letter to God

What's a girl to do....well, I know what to do I just don't seem to do it.

My husband is in Costa Rica on business.  Not a problem for him since that's where he was born and raised.  Business is going well and he's able to spend time with family and friends.  So I'm talking with him and he casually mentions he's lost 8 pounds.  Eight Pounds!  Not one, not two, 8Now, that just isn't right.  I probably gained eight while he's been gone, which isn't good because he's gonna come home to a lardo.

"Whereas the average man has 26 billion fat cells, or adipocytes, in his body, the average female has 35 billion.  Fat comprises 27% of an average woman's total body-weight but for a man comprises only 15%". fat-men-women.htm

Why oh why God, did you give women more body fat....naturally.  I don't plan on having any more kids and I don't live in cold country so why on earth God, do I have to have more natural fat than my husband.   I'm sure there's some logical reason and who am I to question your design, yet, I do!  Is there some way you can reverse your decision and make my husband fatter than me?  Any way?  And while I'm at it, is there any way you can make his derriere bigger than mine or at least close in size.  I'm a faithful follower and believer, I do everything I can to follow your word and treat others well but I fear your decision to give me all this unwanted, unnecessary fat makes me want to punch somebody out of pure selfish anger. Gee Willikers,  have mercy on me please, my husband is due home soon and  I don't want him to see that I gained the 8 pounds he lost.  Please bless me with extreme energy and desire to get off my bahunkass to exercise.  I'll pray more, I'll read my bible more, I promise I'll be good.


Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Oh dearest, it is the bane of our existance! And why, I question as well, does the fat have to collect on the HIPS? OAHHHHHHHA! I am with you, completely! No matter how skinny I am, IT'S MY MAIN FEATURE! As long as we are healthy, that is what is important. Great writing!! Anita

Rattus Scribus said...

I can definitely stand to lose more than few too. It's hard when you're inside for five bloody months. I love Minnesota, but five months of winter? Who makes planets like that?

I've been told many times, "You need to learn some winter sports so you can get outside." And I respond, "It's too bloody cold be outside, you nimrod."

Maybe we should start a national prayer chain.

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

OOOPS!! Well, hmmm...we can find substitutes?! MY main threat is BREAD!! I see wonderful artisan breads and I want to eat the whole stinkin' loaf. No butter, no nothing, just the bread. In France I could do it and not gain one pound, but out there you walk everywhere like I am sure you did in Spain....but here? I can't even eat one slice without feeling the bloat.....oh well, we can only dream! YOU ARE GORGEOUS AND DON'T FORGET IT!!! Anita

Me....bunny said...

Ughh, this is a age old problem. If Eric says he's gonna cut back he does...and then loses weight. If I wanna do the same, I gotta cut back, turn up the activities, get my mind set and maybe just maybe I'll lose something...if not my mind.


Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Well written blog... god.. make him eat more. dont tell him tht you gained...

and for you,

Gaining and loosing weight is the part of life. Most important thing is happiness. Within a year or two I have gained 30 pounds. And well, I am feeling more happier then before.

just try to be healthy and happy thts all...!

wish for you guys

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Ma chère cousine
Thank you for popping on by to congratulate means a lot to me that people would care! I DID IT! WHEW......I actually sounded like I knew what I was talking about!!! I am so glad that is over...

Anonymous said...

The reason, my friend, is scientific. The simple truth is that you as a female are biologically more valuable than your husband. Eons of evolution programmed us for this--we females have more fat cells in order to keep us going when times get lean. One bee--LOTS of flowers, you see. We are the flowers. Unfortunately, times are no longer so lean yet we still carry the legacy of our ancestors. Bummer, eh? Well.... just in case there is some terrible catastrophe in the future, take some comfort in the fact that those with the healthiest fat cells tend to survive. LOVE your blog, and your friends. C