Sunday, May 23, 2010

Today's news

This morning Juan Carlos and I sat down to breakfast...no, that's not the news...after we had breakfast I cleaned everything up and waited a while to wake Karina as she was out a little late because she went to the band banquet last night.

Around 10a.m. I woke her up so she could eat something and get ready for a rehearsal with a little performing group she's just joined.  She asked for french toast so I gladly made it, even though I'd just finished cleaning.  I sat down with her because, I like to take that time to sit and chat with her.

We talked about little things and I sat and watched her eat, delighted at how she enjoyed her meal.  I could tell she was in deep thought but didn't quite know what it was and figured she'd tell me eventually.  She stops, puts her fork down and looking me straight in the eye says "Mom, can I tell you something?"  Far be it from me to say no, so I said "sure, if you want".  She starts out with "I hope you don't get mad, but last night xxx asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes.  Are you mad?" 

The last time she asked me if she could be someone's girlfriend she prefaced it with "You know how much I like xxx right?  Well, he's gonna ask you and dad if I can be his girlfriend".  I was delighted at the idea that that conversation had taken place before the big decision was made.  They'd decided that they would never be alone, never go out alone and would only hold hands.  His parents were aware that he was going to ask her and that he wanted to talk to us first.  So, we went through the warming up of the idea, and then waited for the day.  We all talked and decided it would be okay.

So the guy who had the whole thing worked out and talked out before he would accept her as a girlfriend eventually invites her over his house (with his parents and siblings there) and the relationship was on it's way.  This is a kid who goes to her youth group, I know his parents and so I talked to them and we were all in agreement that it would be ok.  Fast forward two weeks later, he calls her and breaks up with her over the phone because seeing her once or twice a week is not enough and he just can't take it.  So much for all the talk buddy.  My little girl is heart broken.

So here we are at the kitchen table and she tells me, doesn't ask, just tells me she said yes to this guy.  I already know him because he's been going with her to youth group.  And seeing as how I always give a group a kids a ride to group and then home, he asks me to go in and meet his mom.  Ahhh, I'm thinking this guys got something up his sleeve.  Us mom's know this stuff.

So, what am I to say?  I start with "no, I'm not mad, but .... and I tell her that the same rules apply, no going out alone, no hanging out at school alone, no, no, no....".  She sat and listened and then said "I know mom".  This is when I tell her how proud I am that she's so honest with me because I am AND because I just wanna cement the idea in that I'm not gonna let my guard down and she shouldn't either.

I asked if she'd told her dad, knowing darn well she hadn't, and she said no, but I will.  Now I ask, what do you do with a 15.9 year old who wants to have a boyfriend, is open with her parents about the whole thing and always trys to do the right thing?  You can hardly say no.  I mean, I guess I could but what would that accomplish?  I dont' want her sneaking around, but I'd rather she didn't have a boyfriend either.  If I say no, she just might stop being as open with me....I really don't want her to sneak about. 

He's a nice kid, not exactly who I would have picked for her but look what happened with the guy I would have picked!  And here's the interesting thing; he'd asked her before but she said no because she still wasn't over the first kid and Thursday night on the way home when I gave one of her other guy friends a ride home he asked me, how should I break up with a girl who I'm seeing when I shouldn't have started going out with her in the first place.  Karina pipped in and said "you didn't even know her that well when you started seeing her.  You should have gotten to know her before you asked her to be your girlfriend".  He says "I know, that was dumb cause now I don't want to hurt her but the truth is we're not compatable".  Karina tells him make sure you don't do it over the phone, be a man about it and face her, after all, it was your mistake.  Geez!  I'm impressed.  Of course she was speaking from experience.

I don't think I'm ready for this.

So, there's the news.  My daughter has a boyfriend and that's that.  Don't you hate it when you get a taste of what your parents had to go through.

7 comments:

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Wow. She is all grown up and this summer I believe, will be the first time I actually meet her. She sounds like a wonderful child, and YOU I believe, are so right in listening to her, and allowing her to experience the situation, because like you said, the alternative would be her frustrated and starting to sneak about...that happens because kids are curious. I can't even imagine being a parent, and having to deal with these decisions, but I guess love is painful and letting your kids experience life for themselves is part of the package! I so admire the work YOU have done, because she might be an honest and wonderful child naturally, but the trust that you have established is such a gift to her that she will never forget!I cannot wait to meet her. Thank you for coming by the blog!!!

I love you, Anita

bunny said...

Having gone through this with Raquel I know exactly what you mean. She too has been honest with us, actually to the point of driving us crazy with every little detail, BUT,
your right, it's a big step and at some point it's gonna happen. We have to let them experience life...just a little at a time. When Raquel had a boy friend...they only kissed twice..imagine? And lots of kids at school were teasing and egging them on to do more, but it didn't matter because as Raquel put it, "I'm not gonna give in to Peer pressure"...So, I have a feeling Karina will do fine...

bun

Debbie said...

NOOOOOOOOOO!!
... I don't want to discuss it.

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Bonjour ma cousine! Thank you for coming to step away into what I wish the whole world would consider, and that is to simply take time to find what is good, rather than to dwell on things that only make war and hatred. Oh, I did not illustrate Audrey, but what I had wanted to really do, was to do a rendering exactly like that, and for the wrinkles around the mouth and eyes, I wanted to write in little words such as laughter, pain, fear, joy.....words to show that it is these emotions or events in life that cause the lines, but that they are a stamp of beauty rather than of something to discard, which is what society and culture have created maturity to be. But we know better, don't we......

Thank you for your kindness and I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT MONTH!!! Bisous, Anita

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Bonjour!!!! Hey, it was great to see you on my comments page! Thank you so much for your kind words....teaching is awesome and if I can pay my bills, keep the roof over my head and such, well so be it. It is a shame that teachers aren't given the same worth as other professions such as in the sports or entertainment industries, but that's where our society has placed its values. The real heroes are in the schools. OH WELL! C'est la vie. I am so excited for next week!!! BISOUS, Anita

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Oh my dear, dear cousin, it was so perfect meeting together...everything, everyone. Twelve hours of sheer joy. Seeing Auntie, Michele, Rusty and all the kids on top of laughing our heads off with Debbie and Bunny just made me believe that God blesses us with the ability to CREATE the circumstances beyond all expectations. I will never forget it and your daughter is so beautiful. YOU and JC are the reasons why she is so wonderful. BRAVO my dear....you have a gem, and thank you for everything. No, we can't let another decade and then some pass again without contact. Much love to you all...Anita

Lou Cinda @ Tattered Hydrangeas said...

I so hate it! My youngest (a man child) will be 18 next week! He has had the SAME girlfriend for three years! Yeah, go ahead, gasp! I KNOW!!! I lecture ALOT!!!! Both of them!! She is 16!! Terrifying!! Seriously....

Cameron tells me alot of stuff, I have to just sit and let him talk alot of the time...he will call me when she is mad at him for something really silly and ask my advise...I would like to say "break up with her!" But...I don't...I say, "give it a day or two, she will be fine." They did break up several months ago and his heart was so broken...it KILLED me! I wanted to just bless her out an say how dare you do this to my precious son's heart?? But I didn't...I cried with him...they got back together....

Lord, life is hard...I pray for strength...and wisdom....LOTS of wisdom...

I feel your pain...

Lou Cinda :)