If you haven't tried it, think twice before you do.

I'm gonna tell you a little secret that kinda makes me sick....I've been playing a game on my phone.  AHHH, I know, I know.  It's so childish but I can't seem to stop.

This whole thing started about a month ago when I found myself alone and very, very angry.  I won't tell you what I was so angry about but I will tell you that I wanted to escape.  So, being the ever clever person that I am, I closed the bedroom door and went out on the back patio through the slideing door in my room, pulled up a chair and sat there.  Boy I'm good.

Time passed and I was still angry.  I started thinking "who can I call?".  I looked at the time and saw that it was 12:59 a.m.  Not to worry, it was a Friday night so I didn't have to get up for work, church or a meeting.  Nothing on the books for the next morning but too late to call anyone.  Now I'm really pissy.  Is that a bad word, pissy?  Well, if it is, I apologize but I was getting pissy, bad word or not. 

The longer I sat there the p...ier I got (does that make it any better?).  I look at my phone again and it's 1:05 a.m.  It felt like 25 minutes already but it's only six.  About this time I start talking to the dogs cause they're sitting there looking at me like it's story time or something.  Whada they think?  I'm gonna entertain them.  I thought dogs were supposed to have this instinct that told them when to run like heck cause they're owner is in a p...y mood.  Mine must be dumb cause they just sat there looking at me.  I tried growling at them and all they did was that thing dogs do...tilt the head, arch the eyebrow...did they growl back?  No.  They just sat there.  Penny tried looking away but she couldn't help herself, she did that head turned eyes still looking at you until the whites of her eyes were showing...now how often do you see the whites of a dogs eyes?

Two minutes pass and after shussssing the dogs away (no, they didn't leave), I take out my phone again.  I'm desperate for something to do so I open a game "BrickBreaker"....That STUPID, STUPID game.  At first I lose within the first 3 minutes which does not help my mood.  But fool that I am, I keep trying.  I mean what the heck else am I gonna do at that hour, right?  So I play until I can't take it anymore, I'm exhausted.  I need sleep.  I need water.  I need to go to the toitoi.  It's rediculous.  I'm playing a game on my phone.  I'm 54 years old, playing a game on my phone at 2 o'clock in the morning.

You think that's the end of the story, don't you.  Wrong!  Today at lunch, I take a ... well, what else?  A lunch break...see what these games do to your brain.   So I take a break and you know what I did, don't you?  I took the phone out and opened the game.  Why?  WHY?  I'm telling myself, this is good eye/hand coordination practice.  This is to give me patience.  This is so I can learn to challenge myself.......This is DUMB!  I'm like a drug addict looking for excuses to play this stupid thing.

What has happened to me.  I used to be a woman people respected.  I was someone.  I coulda been a contenda!  Look at me...I'm a washed up, no good pissy woman.  There.  I've said it.  I always wondered what it meant "you have to reach bottom before you can wanna change".  I think I understand now, I just can't figure out what kind of treatment center to check myself in to.  All I know is, if I don't do something soon, I might be tempted to try a new game.  What will become of me then.  Who will raise my kids. 

I'm gonna go see if I can find a church that never closes.  The only way out is God.  Pray people.  Start one of those chain emails asking for prayer on my behalf.  I can tell the road ahead will not be an easy one but I'm gonna be alright.  And just a word of advise, If you haven't tried playing games on your phone, don't start now.  Life is too short.